Taylor Swift Syndrome

People in our society act shocked by how many failed relationships there are. I on the other hand am not shocked at all. In fact, I believe we sabotage the ability to have a successful relationship from the time a little girl hears her first princess fairy tale. It starts right away. Mothers upon mothers read Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleepy Beauty, to name a few, to their sweet little darlings, who as females and due to genetics, arrive in this world ready to love and nurture something. They sit on our laps as we tell them of beautiful women who have been swept off their feet by the knight in shining armor or prince charming on his majestic white horse. These men have come from afar to love and cherish them, fight for them, protect them from all harm, keep them safe, and be forever theirs. We pour this propaganda into young females well before they can even hold a conversation. And THAT is where is all begins.

This my friends is why so many young girls feel that they need to be married with 2.5children by the time they are 25 years old. They are everywhere. Trying to find Mr. Right as quickly as possible in order to fit some ideal life they have determined is the "right way". But I tell you this. Due to the trusting nature of young women who have not yet become jaded along with the race with time to acquire this ideal life, many decide they are in love and that they have found him...the one...long before they have even had a chance to learn who they truly are, what they truly need out of life, and what they want from another person...let alone how to find it. Many have never even experienced just being alone in an adult world. They have no idea what it means to be an independent woman and be "me...not we".

This causes several problems with a relationship. One must know who one is before they can determine what they truly need from another. When this doesn't happen, you are left with a situation where a person has a false sense of the person they "love". You gotta ask yourself....do I love this person and who they truly are...or what I think they will be...or that I can make them....or the idealized version of them that I have decided is real? Many men I have spoken with feel that the woman in their life tried to "change" them at some point. Well I am here to tell you that you are not going to change anyone; man or woman. We are who we are and although we do change throughout the phases of life...we do it because of experiences, not because our significant other decided "He should want to learn to ballroom dance if he loves me". Sure, couples should give and take. Do things that make one another happy. But the core characteristics of someone are not going to change. If you want to be happy with someone, you better make sure you like them good and bad...and have no intentions of trying to mold them into what you have decided they "should" be.

There are couples who stay together forever and are happy. Note I mentioned "and are happy". Plenty of people stay together for lots of different reasons. We all have negative things about ourselves. Things that would drive another person mad. But you cannot love someone just on their good days. You have to love them at their worst as much as you do at their best. For a relationship to be successful, both parties have to be okay with the fact that someone will screw up occasionally. That everything your partner does is not going to be about or revolve around you. A successful relationship cannot be about "my" needs or how things "should" be according to the Taylor Swift Syndrome. This is reality. You are not going to be running through a field in a practically wedding gown while the man of your dreams is asking daddy if he can love you for all eternity. This is not the Magic Kingdom. So he wants to sit around like a slug and play video games or watch football WITHOUT being talked to every second, Its a hobby not a sin. That has to be okay. So she wants you to notice something without her having to tell you and to ask what's wrong even though you already know she will say "nothing". That has to be okay.

We need to stop portraying love as a magical ride into the sunset. That is not what it is about. Those moments have their place just as the not so good ones. When we hear the story of Cinderella's Prince Charming coming to slip on a glass slipper, no one says he may be an hour late. When we hear of Snow White's Prince on a white horse, no one says you are gonna be spending some quality time with the Dwarfs tonight because old Princey stopped off at Rapunzel's crib on the way over. While listening to Sleeping Beauty's tale of being awoken with one perfect kiss by her Knight in Shining Armor...no one says in a few years this joker is gonna be nothing more than a loser in tin foil. Face reality. Love isn't perfect. It doesn't have to be. Take your time. Find out who you are. Have realistic expectations. And love someone for all the right reasons.

Revenge is a Burden

What does it mean to forgive? Forgiveness is not saying to another that you are okay with what they have done. It is not saying that you are overlooking the pain they have caused you because in reality... its not okay. It doesn't mean you must be involved with that person. Forgiveness is not forgetting either. Forgiveness is simply saying, "I do not intend on carrying this burden any longer. I do not plan on reliving this pain over and over again."

When we seek revenge, we are carrying baggage that is only hurting ourselves. The person whom we feel needs to "get what they derserve" is not hurt by this baggage. Only the one who carries it will feel this burden. Holding anger and pain inside is like poison to the soul. It affects each and every thing we do. Only when we make a decision and put forth the effort to lay this baggage down can we truly heal. Holding onto the anger and frustration that fuels revenge will only cause the one holding onto it more pain.

Forgive those that have hurt you....for your own sake. Do not let them cause you more burden than they have already caused. Let it go. Move forward. Do not carry a burden that you did not create.